I wish, again, that I'd istened to mum and got it all cancelled. Or, better, not insisted it happen to begin with.
I honestly would've preferred that she didn't come at a to what actually happened, especially now.
After she went I thought to myself that it'd be best if she didn't come again. Why? Because I felt she'd be called away. Mum said as much. As the days went on I thought such a thing was overkill but now? I don't think it was enough. And now I don't even want her here for a day, let alone longer.
And it makes it worae because I could sense something was off. But I just put it down to tiredness and stuff but now I know better and just... ugh.
And all I can do is remember how good that one day was last year and it just makes me feel worse, especially since she knew from then.
And just... ugh.
I just wanna go lay in bed. But I can't so I won't.