Pairing: Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Notes: Despite the title this is by no means a happy fic at all. It's angsty and depressing. I blame Elliot Minor's Silently mostly for this. And to an extent Moulin Rouge even though I've not seen it in ages (isn't the end the most truly depressing end ever?). I guess I've also needed to get out something like this for about a year, but not wanted to or forced myself not to.
Anyway, onward to the fic.
"You look beautiful." I smiled at him as I looked him over, not expecting he'd make it this far. The dress he wore clung to his frame and had been altered three times since his first fitting. He returned to my smile, then gazed in the full length mirror. After a few moments, his eyes fluttered closed and he started coughing again, heavily. I rushed to his side, but he shook his head and managed to sit in the nearest chair, taking the glass of water that sat there and bringing it to his lips. His hand was covered in blood. "Promise me you'll tell him."
He nodded and swallowed the water, eyes slightly teary. "After today."
"You don't have to do this you know." I'd said those words over and over for days, weeks now. He always had the same answer.
"I know I don't have to, but I want to." He wiped his hand on a towel laid out beside the water, riding himself of the evidence of anything wrong.
I nodded slightly, coming over and giving him a loose hug, not wanting to squeeze him too tight. He was dying and he didn't have too long. The doctor's gave him a few months, maybe less. The sense of such impending doom made him rush forward this day. Before all this happened he had no set date for the wedding. Now, here we were. I was one of the few that knew, though I suspected that was mostly due to catching him one of his now famous coughing fits. He had them so regularly now it was hard to conceal them, so he had spent the last few days in a hotel. Hiding away, readying himself for today.
I brushed his thick curls aside, then kissed him lightly on the forehead, before slowly helping him up. I was glad I'd manged to talk him out of the high heels he wanted. I didn't need him falling over on top of everything. As I led him to where he ahd to be, I wondered if anyone else had figured it out. After all, the coughing and blood wasn't the only sign. I was sure my brother already knew. He wasn't that stupid, but he probably hid his fears, not wanting to confront his love about it.
Bob was standing outside the door when we arrived, a concerned look on his face. He was the only other person that knew apart from the doctor's. "Are you alright?" Ray nodded and I had a feeling even if his eyes were falling out of his sockets he'd still nod. He always was stubborn. "Ok." Bob nodded to himself, straightening his suit absently. "You look gorgeous."
"Thanks." I could see Ray smile, though I could also see his body shake. Almost as soon as it satrted though, it stopped. "Please, let's just get my day started."
Bob nodded and kissed him on the forehead as I had moments before. "I'll let them know you're here." He smiled at Ray, then kissed me quickly on the lips, his stubble brushing against my chin as he ran a hand over the dress I wore. He quickly parted from me though and dissappeared behind the door, leaving me to clasp Ray's hand tightly.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
The wedding was strange. James played the wedding march, then performed the ceremony. What was strange to me was seeing everyone we knew all dressed up. Especially Worm. I didn't think they made suits that big. I'd always been afraid the Ray would just... collapse during the vows, but he never did. He swayed slightly though, and I could see his eyes lid. I almost ran to him, but he sorted himself after a few moments. As soon as they kissed, so much relief coursed through my eins I thought I was the one that was going to faint.
Now me and Bob stood at the reception, which was blissfully in the next room from where they'd wed. We stood there, watching as they had their first dance. "They look so good together." And they did, holding each other tightly as they moved slowly, content with each other. "I just wish..."
"Don't say it." I nodded at Bob's words, trying to push such thoughts from my mind. I held him close, feeling his strong hands stroke my back. He was right, if I thought too much about it it wasn't going to do me any good. He kissed my hair lightly. "He got through today, that's the most important thing in the world to him right now. We have to remember that alright?" Again I nodded, knowing he was right again. He was always the strong, silent type. I inahled his scent, starting to relax at last.
That's when I heard the crash. "Ray? Ray baby?" I turned around, Bob instantly releasing me from his grip. Ray was on the floor, his body convulsing. "Baby, what's going on?!" Tears were running down my brother's face, panic and frustration clear in his voice. I ran to his side, falling to the floor beside him. Ray's eyes were lidding as his body squirmed, his lips coughing up blood again. "Baby..."
I slipped my fingers into a pocket I'd had added onto my dress, thankful I'd had them add one. They'd looked like I was mad to ask for it, but I knew it was necessary. I pulled out Ray's meds, holding Ray's head and pushing them between his lips. "What the fuck are those?"
"His medication Mikey." I said in soft sad tone as Ray just coughed the two pills back up, spilling blood over his white dress in the process.
Mikey gave me a look, one which I knew meant he wanted an explanation later. he turned his attention back to Ray, squeezing his hand. "Please baby, I love you don't... Whatever this is we can get through this together, please..."
I was relieved when he stopped coughing, turning his eyes to his love, his husband. I pulled out two more pills, ready for him to take the second I knew his coughing had stopped. "I love you Mikey, so much." His voice was weak and he was crying softly. "Thank..." His eyes rolled back into his head and his body heaved a sigh. His body went limp in our hands.
"Baby? No... don't... you can't be." I looked at my brother sadly, but got pushed aside when the medics arrived. Bob had called them as soon as I'd left his side. I watched them as they tried to do their job, Mikey struggling in my grip as I moved him away from them. Mikey collapsed against me crying against my skin as he realised the same thing I did. That it was too late.
I stood in the room Ray had occupied, just hours after he died. Mikey lay on the bed, curled up on the sheets. In my hands was something that had been waiting here for us, a dvd on the bed. I slipped the disc into the in-built player of the tv and sat beside Mikey, watching the screen. It faded from black to this room, with Ray sitting on the bed. It had to have been taken fairly recently, maybe just a few days ago. "Hello Gerad, hi baby." Mikey's eyes focused on the screen and I held him tightly. "If you're seeing this, that means I've been unable to tell you this in person. I'm sorry I've hidden this from you. I didn't want to hurt you, I swear it, you mean the world to me. I hope you haven't judged your brother or Bob to harshly for knowing beforehand. They've always insisted that I tell you.... so this is in case it's too late."
Mikey sniffed against me and I knew he'd cry if he could. He'd run out of tears long ago. "A few months ago the doctor's told me I was dying. They said I had a couple of months, possibly more. That's why I made us do the wedding baby. I want to marry you before anything happened. And I wanted to tell you as soon as our day was over. I hope so much I've managed to do that." The Ray on the screen smiled sadly, then looked at the floor. "I saw the doctor again yesterday. I'm not going to tell anyone this, but he told me I'd be lucky to survive the month." I gasped at his words, tears starting to form in my own eyes again. He coughed on the screen and I was afraid he was going to show us a fit, but he swallowed some water quickly. "I always said doctor's were stupid didn't I?" He laughed bitterly, then shook his ehad. "I love you Mikey, so much. You mean more to me then words can say."
"Take care of him Gerard, for me."
The screen went blank and I held my brother tighter, kissing his hair as he burst into tears again.