Warnings/Notes: slash, angst, songfic (lyrics:Blue-Walk Away)
Summary: Basically this is Walk Away from Duncan's POV so some parts are the same/similar.
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.
Is this masquerade finally over
I look down at him. He sleeps so peacefully. Part of me didn't want to wake him, but we have to get ready. I lean down and kiss him gently. His eyes open and I whisper to him, "Wake up love. We have a performance."
I notice him smile at me before he wrapped his slander arms around me and pulled me closer. "I'd rather stay in bed with you." He kissed my cheek and smiled cheekily.
I sighed. Sure I was tempted to, in fact I'd rather spend a day with him then go on some early morning kid's show. I looked him over. He was so beautiful, so perfect. I could never understand how I had ended up with him, how someone like him could love me. "You know how tempting that is." I kissed his neck, then began to kiss a path up to his ear. I whispered into it, "But we have to work." Reluctantly I leaned back and stared at him as he pouted.
"Can't we take the day off, just this once?" He pleaded to me. He was making a good case for it, but I knew we couldn't.
I stroked his hair to soothe him. "Think of the fans. They'll be so disappointed."
He seemed to get a distant look in his eyes. "Is that why we can't tell them about us?" The words stung me. How could he make such a leap between such different things? Well, maybe not so different. He was watching me now, expecting some kinda of response. I always knew he wanted us to be open, for the fans to know about us. Part of me liked things as they were, but clearly he was restless with it. I remembered what Antony had said when we started, "He isn't the sort of person who'll want to keep this in the shadows forever." He was right, too right.
He glared at me as he added, "Are you ashamed of me? Of us?" That stung even more, like he was driving a knife though me.
I sighed and pulled away, I couldn't stand to see him like this. I just didn't want to do this now. "You know that's not it..." I stood up off the bed. So many factors he couldn't see. I hadn't told my family about us, I didn't want them to read about it in some paper, or hear it from a press conference. Then there was the danger, the hatred, the fury. Maybe he didn't realise how it would destroy everything.
I searched for my clothes and, when I had them, I looked back at him. "We'd better get ready." I left the room, tears in my eyes.
Can we put down the roles that we've played so many times
When we made our way to the studio, I sat away from him. I spent the whole trip staring out the window, at the cloud-filled sky. I heard Ant and Simon whisper amongst themselves, but I didn't care enough to pay attention. It was probably the first time since we formed that a journey was made in silence.
Is this really the final curtain
When we arrived at the studio, I went with Ant to a dressing room. I could tell Lee was shocked and uneasy because of it. But he went with Simon anyway.
When we were in the safety of the dressing room Ant looked at me questioningly. "What's with the silence?"
I sighed, I knew he'd ask about it and there was no point in lying to him. "Lee wants people to know about us. We had a slight argument about it."
For a second I thought I see him him smile, then it was gone. "I told you this would happen someday."
"I know." I looked away. I wanted Lee, but I didn't know want to hurt him. I looked at Ant, not sure what I was expecting him to say or do. "What should I do?"
That smile was there again. Then it was gone as he thought for a moment. "He'll always want this. Like I said, he doesn't want to play in the shadows anymore. And he'll always need it. No matter what you do, you'll hurt him if you stay like this." He paused, watching me careful. I nodded slowly, sadly realising he was right. "So you now have a choice. You can either stay with him like you are now, which'll hurt him, stay with him and let everyone know, which may hurt you both, or...." He seemed slightly reluctant to tell me the last one.
"Or what?" I asked, hoping that this would be the better of the three, even though he didn't seem to think so.
"Or you can leave him, make a break. It'll hurt, but not as much as the others would. All you have to do is decide which one you think is best."
They all seemed as bad as each other. All hurt him in some way. I took a deep breath. "There's no pressure to decide now, but the sooner the better." Ant patted me on the back, reassuringly then went to have a shower.
I was left, alone with my thoughts.
The end of the play
I took a deep breath. I was sure this was the right decision. I'd thought it over. I didn't want to hurt him, but knew that, in the long run, this would be the best thing to do. "I can't stay long." I was surprised how weak my voice sounded now. "I've been thinking about what you said." I took a deep breath to calm myself. My legs were shaking. I could see he was getting nervous too. "You're right. I can see how much I'm hurting you, and I'm..." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I just let them flow down my cheeks. He stepped forward, as if to hold me, but I backed away. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could have made this work." I couldn't stand to look at him. His face in an expression that was a cross between shock, sadness and horror. I ran, leaving him behind, my sight blurred by tears.
I heard him call my name, telling me to wait, but I couldn't. It made me run faster back to the dressing room.
Or will we just dance this dance, we've danced again and again and again