We're owl exterminators (shadow_hive) wrote,
We're owl exterminators
shadow_hive

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Cause I've Waited For All My Life

Cause I've Waited For All My Life
Pairing: Gerard/Mikey, some others
POV: Mikey
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Ok, this was gonna be much shorter and slightly different, but I like how it's turned out. I'm gonna probably do a companion Ryan fic to go with this as well. The title was originally gonna be something different, but this one's much much better. And no, there's no gore, though it is very long.
Dedications: antontobias86 eckerlilas as a late b-day thing everyone else that reads.

Since I was twelve I had feelings for my older brother. He was the cause of my first hard-on and my first wet dream a few days later. As time went on my feelings became more intense and every night I'd be stroking myself to the image of him thrusting inside me or I'd think about my lips around him, sucking him until he came while his fingers were wrapped around my length, tugging me to orgasm.

Now I was nineteen. Over the past seven years I'd came to realise something. I wasn't gay or bi but I wanted only my brother. I tried thinking about other people but no one else did it for me. I'd only get hard from watching porn if one of the guys in it looked like him. Maybe I should be called a Gerardsexual. I knew that he wouldn't want me in the same way I wanted him, so I'd decided to do something that some might call very extreme.

"Is there anything I can get you? Something to eat, drink, anything?" I turned to gaze at the boy who stood at the side of my bed, his dark brown hair in slight disarray though his fringe still covered one of his perfectly shadowed eyes. As I shook my head no he sighed, rolling his eyes. "You should really drink something Mikey. The doctor said you should keep your fluids up." He set a cup on the bedside table, the steam coming from it's liquid indicating it was warm while it's scent told me it was coffee.

"Fine, fine." I grasped the cup in both hands and bought it to my lips, taking a small sip of the warm black drink, feeling his eyes on me as I did so. "Stop watching me like that."

"Sorry Mikey, I just wanna be sure you're ok." The corners of his black lips turned up into a small smile as he spoke, one of his hands stroking my forehead lightly, most likely to take my temperature.

"Ryan, will you stop fussing over me. I'll be fine." Despite my protests I knew he was right. If I didn't keep my strength up then I'd still look like shit when Gerard returned from his trip to New York and he'd find out what happened once he took me to the doctor.

Ryan opened his mouth as if to reply, but before he had the chance his phone started ringing. "For fuck's sake..." He reached into one of the pockets of his skinny girl's jeans to pul out the device, flipping it open and pressing it to his ear. I often wondered exactly how he could fit anything into those things, let alone his phone, wallet and whatever else he seemed to need. "Hello? I've told you before I won't sleep with you. Get that into your thick skull Urie." He removed the phone from his ear, his slender fingers already working to switch it off despite the voice on the other end still talking.

"Brendon again?"

He nodded with a sigh, placing his phone next to my now half empty cup. "Gods you give the guy a blow job and he thinks it means something." Ryan was the polar opposite of me, at least sex wise. As long as they had a cock he'd be down on his knees in front of them. If he was a whore he'd probably be the richest one in the country. No one could resist him, even supposedly 'straight' guys. Every once in awhile his sexcapades would result in a guy pining over him like this Brendon was now. From his other pocket he produced a pack of cigarettes, offering me one before pulling one out and pressing it between his lips, igniting it with the small lighter that he kept in the pack. "He's annoying as hell Mikey, how anyone can stand him is beyond me." He sighed softly, breathing out a small cloud of smoke. "He's not even that big either, but I thought 'what the hell' and just gave him a sympathy blow job so now the bastard's everywhere I go."

Sometimes I thought I knew too much about my best friend's sex life. This was one of those times. Of course I couldn't complain, after all I told him all my thoughts about my brother and he listened to every word intently, though at times I wondered if he was just making sure he remembered what I told him for jacking off sessions later. I considered telling him to stop screwing every guy that he saw but decided against it. After all I'd only be wasting my breath. "Maybe you need a challenge."

"What do you mean?" His eyes told me my words had confused him entirely.

"I mean you should try and seduce a guy that doesn't look at you and submit right away." I considered for a moment, sipping at my coffee again before speaking. "Maybe one of Gerard's friends."

"Ohh like the one with a bird's nest on his head!" I blinked at his description wishing he'd think before he spoke.

"It's called an afro jackass and if you said that to him he'd hit you. But yes, like him. Plus he has a name you know, it's Ray." Yes, Ray'd do as a challenge for him. I'd often thought that Ryan should focus on one guy at a time rather then the whole male population of New Jersey. When Ray met Ryan he showed lightly to no interest in the younger boy. At the time it hadn't concerned Ryan but I knew that if I reminded him it would make him more likely to go after him. "After all, he did ignore you..."

***

"Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?" Even as he said the words he was in front of a mirror, applying his make-up. To Ryan, venturing outside after dark was something that had to be planned and executed with military precision. In recent months that meant an excessive amount of time in front of the mirror. For most normal people applying make-up was a bit of eyeshadow around the eyes, eyeliner if they had a steady hand and either lip gloss or lip stick. Ryan, of course, was far from normal. Every night he went out he had to have an intricate pattern around his eyes. Sometimes that meant a few fancy twirls, other times it meant birds flying over his cheeks. I wasn't sure why he did it and whenever I asked him he'd always either avoid the question or shrug.

Personally I figured it was to attract attention to himself. Although perhaps it was just a Vegas thing, I knew that one guy that Spencer dated also wore excessive make-up and eh was from Vegas too.

I sighed softly and dshook my head. Surely he knew I'd be ok here by myself. "I'll be fine Ryan, I'm a big boy remember?" He mumbled something that I'm sure sounded like 'you were' and then he returned to applying his make-up. As I watched him, I tried to decide exactly what tonight's design was. It looked like a trail of tears down his left cheek, decorated blue, black and gold. I shrugged to myself, deciding not to try and work out any hidden meaning that it may have. Such thoughts might occupy me later.

Apparently satisfied, he set his materials down and turned away from his reflection. "What do you think?" His fringe was arranged to cover the better part of his right eye, while his lips had a black stripe down the middle. He wore a white t-shirt, with a bright red vest over it which had roses over the right side of it. Ever since he'd recieved it for his birthday he wore it more then anything else on his nights out. Faded girls jeans at least two sizes too small covered his legs which, at the right angle, shown off his slim hips.

"I should never have let Gee get you that." I gestured towards the 'rose vest' which Gerard got him because he was such a good friend to me.

"I love it, I think it suits me." His fingers played with the largest of the roses, a habit I'd noticed him developing ever since he'd gotten it. Another thign I didn't fully understand about him.

"It certainly draws attention to yourself."

"Exactly." He flashed me a grin, swaying his hips as he came towards the bed were I still lay, planting a small kiss on my forehead. "If you need me I'll have my cell, just try not to call me when I'm dancing with someone. I don't need the vibration to excite him." I rolled my eyes again and nodded with a small smile. "And if I come back with someone, try not to perv on us."

Another eye roll. I swear one day my eyes are just going to roll out of their sockets due to him. "I won't."

He planted another light kiss on my face, this time on my cheek before straightening up and heading away from the bed. "I'll see you later."

I was glad for the peace once he'd gone, he'd not really left me alone unless I said I was tired. I'd been the one to suggest he went out tonight in the first place, knowing that tonight would be the night Ray was usually out too. He seemed to be taking the bait with him which I was thankful for. Hopefully if he bought anyone home tonight it would be him, though I'm sure Ray wouldn't be that easy even for Ryan. Recently I thought that Ryan's constant sexual outings were due to... something more then just hedonism. Again, this was something that he dodged my questions when I asked about it but I was sure there was something deeper. No matter how hard I tried to coax it out of him he didn't seem to want to tell me what it was, so I figured that trying to get him into a proper relationship might be the answer.

Although I could be wrong. Maybe he was just a sexual whirlwind that needed to blow over every male he encountered. Maybe.

Of course, there was another reason for wanting him gone. I wanted to go home, just for a little while and I knew he'd want me to stay here, even though home was just around the corner. I checked the time, making a mental note that I probably had three hours free time until he came back which would be more then enough for my purposes.

***

I glanced down the stairs into Gerard's bedroom. Even though we'd moved from where we'd grown up, he'd still wanted to have a basement room to call his own. The room was possibly the biggest in the house, though he'd made sure to use it to it's full potential. I flicked on the light switch as I descended the wooden stairs, examining my brother's environment carefully. Along one wall was his bed, which was covered in a blanket that was scrunched up at the end, possibly due to his apparently restless sleep. Near to it was the first of three desks he had. This one had his computer and a few scattered cd discs, some of which were games he went on, others which where blank. The second desk was covered in comic books, at least six of them that I could make out, of varying thickness. The fnal desk, which was along the wall farthest from the bed was the only clean one. On it's surface sat a single blank piece of white paper, with a collection of pencils of various colours arranged in a holder in the corner. In the opposite corner, in a silver frame was a photo of us hugging. His art was the most important thing to Gerard so it was only natural that it would be the only ordered thing in the room. The rest of the space along the walls were taken up by a chest of drawers, which had it's stop drawer partially open and had a stero sitting on top of it, a wardrobe which had doors that never shut all the way, a bookcase that was filled with books and dvds and a black sofa with a small fridge next to it. A Tv was attached to the wall on a stand though I knew he rarely bothered to turn it on except to watch one of his dvds, instead choosing to listen to music while he read his comics and did his art. A few posters normally decorated his walls, though I knew he changed them every so often. He must have changed them before he left because now only one remained, a poster from the original run of The Empire Strikes Back.

I settled on the couch and just let my eyes trail over my big brother's stuff. This was all I wanted to do, be in his natural habitat alone for awhile before he returned. Just being here made me feel so much more secure about what I'd done ad I was now more confident then ever that I'd made the right choice. I sat there, gazing at the crimson walls, lost in thought. Random thoughts about how Ryan's night was going, what Gerard was doing right now and the future. Ah yes, the future. Often I saw myself living alone, surrounded by cats. Ryan thought I was stupid. He kept saying I'd always have him if no one else.

Maybe he was right.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that I'd been here fo twenty minutes already. Deciding that I'd stayed as long as I needed, I stood up and headed towards the stairs. And that's when I saw him.

He was just standing there, in the doorway at the top of the stairs, swaying slightly from side to side. His long dark hair looked more messed up then usual and he was covered head to toe in black. Typical Gerard attire. Unsteadily he started to make his way down the stairs, his hazel eyes seeming to shine as he noticed me. "Mikey, Mikey, Mikey..."

Obviously he was drunk, I could tell from his voice as well as the swaying. "Gerard, I thought you were in New York..."

He waved a hand dismissively as if I'd just said he spent the night at Ray's instead of being in the city. "I'm here." By now he was standing in front of me, so close that I could feel his hot, drunken breath on my face as he spoke. "And you're here." He smiled and reached up to stroke my cheek lightly. "And I'm going to do kiss you now." As he said that he closed the distance between us, planting his lips on mine and wrapping his other arm around my waist to hold me close. When his tongue pressed against my lips I willingly parted them for him, lapping at the soft muscle once it entered my mouth. I was fairly sure tha I'd fallen asleep on his sofa and thta this was just a dream, because this didn't seem real. That was when he decided to press his hips against my thigh so I that felt his very real erection.

His hand slid down from my cheek, moving down my neck and chest, it's destination painful clear. Yet I was powerless to stop him. My own arms were wrapped around his waist, my tongue exploring his mouth just as his had swirled around mine. He tasted of alcohol and cigarettes, just like I always dreamed he would. His hand at my crotch now, undoing my fly to slip into my pants. As soon as he did everything stopped.

I winced as his fingers stroked the area around the base of my cock, the tips of his digits running over the stitches from a few days earlier and that's when he pulled back so his breath was warming my cheeks again. For a few moments he didn't say anything, he just stood there getting his breath back in pants. I didn't want to break the silence, I wouldn't know what to say, so I waited for him to speak. "Mikey... why am I feeling what I'm feeling?"

"The stitches you mean?"

He nodded as he spoke again. "And where are your balls Mikey?"

"I had myself castrated."

His eyes widened and his fingers felt again my crotch again, as if what he'd felt earlier and my words weren't enough to confirm what I'd said. "What the fuck Mikey? Why'd you do that to yourself?"

"I didn't... I got a doctor to do it for me." i glanced down at the floor, not wanting to see the look in his eyes. I knew he'd look like Ryan did when i told him that I wanted this done, like I'd said the most supidest thing in the world. Only this felt a million times worse. "I was afraid, afraid because I only had feelings for you, because you're the only guy that turns me on, the only guy I've ever wanted. I did it because I love you Gerard... I never meant for you to find out..."

Instead of saying anything, I felt his hand on my chin, raising my face up to look him in the eyes. Instead of saying anything he looked me right in the eyes with a look that told me that he felt the same way about me, that he loved me more then he was supposed to. Instead of saying he smiled and pressed his lips against mine again. Instead of saying anything his tongue pushed into my mouth again and his hands worked on undressing me.

He pushed me towards his bed, leaving a trail of my clothes in our wake. By the time I was pushed onto the mattress, I was completely naked and could feel his eyes examining my body, especially my crotch. "You didn't have anything else done did you?" I shook my head in response, watching as his fingers stroked my sharp hips gently. "Good, then I can still make you feel good Mikey."

I watched with wide eyes behind my glasses as he stepped back and started to take off his clothes. First there was his jacket, which he unzipped in a heartbeat and shrugged it off his shoulders. The plain black tee underneath was the next to go, his fingers gripping the base of the material and pulling it off him. His body wasn't what some would call perfect. He wasn't toned nor was he particularly slim, but in my eyes he was perfect. He slowly undid his pants, pushing them along with his boxers down his legs, freeing his hard cock for me to see for the first time. His length was similar to what my own used to look like when it was hard. It was roughly the same length, though it was obviously thicker then mine. The head was shiny and purple, with his foreskin rolled back around the base of it. Surrounding his member was a thick forest of dark pubic hair, which covered his crotch as well as his large, low hanging balls.

Gods I wish I could get hard now.

"Tell me Mikey, are you a virgin?"

"Huh?" I blushed, as I moved my gaze up to his face which now bore a smirk.

"I said, are you a virgin."

I considered my past sexual experiences as I shook my head. Ryan had given me a drunken blow job a few months back at his place and, more recently, I'd ended up sucking one of Gerard's friends off in the toilets. One that obviously pined for him too as he cried out my older brother's name when he came. I couldn't remember his name, but I remembered that he had sandy blonde hair and that he was quite well endowed.

"Ok then, I'll go slow." I nodded, trusting in him completely as he pushed the blanket from the end of the bed onto the floor. "Can you lay on your front? Or will it hurt?"

"I can try..." I bit my lip as I rolled onto my front, scrunching my face up slightly at the feeling I expected, though it dind't hurt as much as I thought it would. "I'll be ok like this."

He nodded, using his strong hands to part my cheeks so he could gaze at my twitching hole. "You're so beautiful Mikey..." I blushed at his words, twisting my head back to watch him. He leant down and placed his lips around my ring and I felt his soft tongue wiggle inside me. I groaned softly, gripping onto the sheets as it circled my inner walls, coating my walls with saliva before darting back into his mouth to get more. All too soon he pulled back, planting kisses along my crack and the base of my spine. "I'm going to finger you now Mikey. Tell me if I'm hurting you and I'll stop ok?"

"Please hurry Gee, I need your cock inside me."

I heard him moan as he quickly pushed a finger inside me, wiggling it around inside my tightness before it was joined by a second. They scissored inside me, making me grip the sheets and moan his name. "More... please." I begged, pushing my ass back against his hands. The fingers were removed shortly after, only to be replaced by his thick cock before I could even whine about the loss. Apparently he was as impatient as I was. "H... how much have you got in?"

"About half." He layed down across my body, rocking his hips as his tongue trailed across my neck. "But soon I'll be in you fully." I closed my eyes, knowing it that if I relaxed myself it would speed things along. "Gods you're tight..." He pulled out of me so just his head rested within me, then he thrust forward, burying another few inches inside me. I could already feel his pubic hair against my ass and I knew that his next thrust would have him fully inside me. I was right only something else happened once he was.

"Holy fuck what was that?!"

"Some people call it the male g-spot Mikey." He purred in my ear, his hands gripping onto my hips tightly. "But it's called the prostrate gland. Whenevr I hit it, you'll feel like you just did. I'm going to make sure that every time I'm inside you I hit that spot."

"Do it again Gee..." I all but begged,craving to feel it again already.

"With pleasure little brother." He pulled out and slammed back inside me, causing a cry of pleasure to tear itself from my throat. This time he barely stayed inside me before he was out again, ramming himself deep inside of me once more, hitting my spot once more. I knew if I'd probably have spilled all over the sheets already if I still could. His tongue traced spirals over my neck, ears and shoulder blades as he moved in and out, in and out. He cried my name almost as much as I called out his as he rhythmically thrust deep within me. I squeezed my ass around him, desperate to make him feel as good as he was making me feel and it clearly worked. "Holy fuck do that again!" And I did, as he moved out rach time I'd squeeze my muscles around him.

But then his thrusts started to become harder and faster so it was harder to know when to contract. I knew that it meant he was close, so I tried my hardest to please him until my own body arched into a dry orgasm. A dry orgasm that resulted in my chest and the sheets below me being soaked in a spray of piss from my cock. It didn't matter to me though and it clearly didn't to Gerard as he screamed my name, finally spilling his load deep inside me. He pumped spurt after spurt of his cream inside me, coating my insides with his seed before his dick stopped the spray and he pulled out of me, to lay on the bed beside me.

For the longest time there was nothing but the sound of our panting and my heartbeat pounding in my ears. "You wet the bed."

"I know, I'm sorry." I blushed and he kissed my heated cheeks lightly.

"It's ok, it was worth it. Plus it's kinda hot." He wrapped a leg around my waist, kissing me gently on the lips when I blushed brighter. "I love you Mikey."

"I love you too Gerard. Can we do that again?"

"You already know the answer to that dear brother." He licked his lips and kissed me again, deeply, hungrily as if he wanted to taste my very soul with his tongue. I knew that this would be how every night ended and how every day would begin with me waking in his arms.
Tags: fic, gerard way, gerard way/mikey way, mikey way, my chemical romance, panic! at the disco, ryan ross
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